I recently, and one sidedly, broke up with a friend of 20 years. And they might not be aware of that.
Relationships are complicated. And yet painfully rewarding. I’m still trying to get the hang of humans at forty!
We choose to be the best version of ourselves to someone, and one day, we choose not to.
My friend, a little older, a lot wiser is a wonderful person in their own right. Has a loyal fan base. Popular. Likeable. Smart, and sometimes a little too smart for me. And now I realise, we’re oil and water. The opposites that can never attract. Probably co-exist at best.
I have a pretty strong set of ethos. Not everyone’s cup of tea kind of girl. And I own it.
I am a feminist, but not the bra burning variety. I’ve said it a million times before, and I’ll say it again. I despise people who disrespect women. So I’m thankful my parents brought me up as an equal with my brother. And equally importantly, that my partner is a person who’s given me the 51% in a 50-50 partnership, with no challenge to his masculinity.
I support LGBTQ. Because is there any other line of thinking? Seriously go question yourself if you have the time to have opinions on other people’s choices. Love is love. Period.
And yeah, I have an opinion. So go fly a kite. I’m not some vanilla idiot, I’m the extra spicy hot-pot that’s going to have you stay or leave.
And on that note, the friends who stay, stay. The ones who decide not to, well, I honestly couldn’t care less.
Not because I’m emotionally dead. No no. Far from.
Because I’ve learnt that I’m the 100% kind of girl. I give all my relationships my entire being. I know how to love and mean every moment of my love. I know how to give, and I don’t need anything back.
And with time, and scars, I’ve learnt to let go of the friends who don’t stay. The ones who didn’t make the effort. The ones who didn’t understand. The ones who thought otherwise. Etc etc, pick your reason.
The ones who’ve stayed, are my pillars, my strength, and the reason I grow stronger with my years.
This friendship, although special, has run it’s course. I realised we will never share the same ethos. And that for me, is a real deal breaker. I stand by what I believe in.
So this my dear friend, is a burial ceremony. For the time we shared together, our experiences shared, commonality we found, times spent well. This is me letting go of you and saying goodbye.
Your love and lessons will always stay with me. You will not be forgotten. You will not be missed.